just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
