They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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