is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
sarcasm needs its own font
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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