just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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