Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
