your parents love me but you hate me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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