i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
