When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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