I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
