You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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