i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
