If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
