I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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