OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my being single is dangerous.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
