WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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