No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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