I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
