Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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