He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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