I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
