Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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