Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
