I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
