his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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