puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
