At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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