she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
