is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
