So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
