im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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