Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
wow bdsm is so cute
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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