I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
