oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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