Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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