I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
