Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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