I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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