You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
