Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
