I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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