her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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