I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
