Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
