Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
