I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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