my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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