How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
