The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize