The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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