I think I won the penis lottery.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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