i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this boner is exhausting
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
