Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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