if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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