And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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