I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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