God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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