She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
