don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
