Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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