First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
