I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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