So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
